


Come Home Soon

by Jasmine_Nightshade



Category: Green Rider Series - Kristen Britain
Genre: Depression, Family, Friendship, overcoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jasmine_Nightshade/pseuds/Jasmine_Nightshade
Summary: ***Spoilers if you haven't read Firebrand***Right after the events of Firebrand Karigan is on her journey home to Sacor City. While on her journey she has to contend with Nyssa still haunting her thoughts. She doesn't know if she can but she knows she must win. Will deviate from the last chapter of the book.





	Come Home Soon

_“I will regain my strength. I will and I must.”_

Karigan had always been stubborn and strong willed, it came with being raised by four very strong willed Aunts. She smiled at the thought and wondered if a trip home wasn’t in order. The only thing detaining her was her letter from the p’ehdrose that she must return to the King. To Zachary, she sighed. She did  not know where she stood with him, things had transpired and at that moment her fingers drifted across her lips remembering all too well the feeling of his against hers. She would do well to forget that lapse in judgment but no matter what she couldn’t help but feel like there was a bonding that had taken place. Heaven and Earth had stopped and it was just them. Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts she focused on the road ahead. She would return to Sacor City. She would ask for some time away and return home. She nodded cementing the idea in her head. This would be for the best, for she rarely saw her family and though it had only been a few months since their last visit a part of yearned for it. To be home and with those that loved her unconditionally. Her smile faltered

_Scratch. Scratch scatch._

No Karigan though. I have command over you. In her mind she whispered _sleep_ the sensation fell away. This would be a constant battle, a constant fight but she was determined to win. Today, with the sun shining down, Condor beneath her, and the wind moving around her she was able to win. Today was a victory. She would have to hold on to that. She knew that not every day would be like this but today was so she held on to that as tightly as she could.

While no longer on the run from anything she was still cautious and preferred to keep out of sight of the main road as much as possible. Old habits die hard after all and considering the amount of time her errands had turned into dangerous escapes had quickly outnumbered her normal ones she was more accustomed to traveling in stealth than not. They slept under the stars that night for they were still a fair distance from North. Though she doubted she would stay at the inn there, her last venture into its walls had not gone well and she doubted the guard would appreciate her return. No, instead her goal was to make it to the Elk Creek Waystation. There she would take a few days to rest and recoup before starting to head south again. She had been told to take her time, go slow. Her back was still very much mending and healing and riding took a lot out of her.

The first week Karigan could ride more than an hour or two without having to stop and dismount. Condor tried his best to smooth out his gait but there were still times when the jarring took its toll. She was only a day outside of the waystation and that idea was the only thing that kept her going. She had ridden hard, too hard, and was now on the brink of exhaustion. She forced herself to untack Condor first before giving him some feed and moving into the cabin. Thankfully, who ever had passed through previously had left a generous amount of wood inside the cabin so that it was dry. Her fire roared to life quickly. After putting the kettle on she dragged her body away so that she could get some of the tea leaves she had been given to help with the pain.

Karigan did not drift through dreams that night. She was much too tired and realized that she was not as strong as she thought she was. However she was making gains. Karigan slept like the dead all night and into much of the next day. It wasn’t until the sun was beginning it’s westward journey that she awoke. Her eyes blinked slowly before taking everything in. She tried to move but instantly regretted it. She had slept so long that her back had gotten stiff and now she most certainly did not want to move. However her bladder reminded her otherwise. Karigan considered not moving and then thought better of it. Sighing heavily she worked her legs a little bit, using them to kick the sheets and blankets down so that she could move freely. Then Karigan started moving her arms and would try to roll her body one side and then the other. Slowly Karigan felt some of the muscles loosen. After several more minutes Karigan tried getting out of bed again, though stiff and in pain she found she could manage.

Once finished with that she moved to rebuild the fire without too much pain. It didn’t work, by the time the fire was going Karigan was just as tired as when she had fallen asleep the night before but now she was tired and hungry. After boiling some water for tea and grabbing some of her provisions Karigan lowered herself gently into a chair. She was so tired, but she had slept for awhile and needed to tend to Condor, _in a moment_ , she thought before dosing. When she woke again the sky was fully dark and the moon was just past halfway through the sky. It was full tonight and even with all of the tree cover Karigan did not take a lantern with her to check on Condor. She did however take her bonewood staff. Though she couldn’t use it to fight it worked well as a walking stick, which she was all too thankful for.

Once at the paddock Karigan tried to get Condor’s attention only to have him let out a loud huff and turn away. Karigan smiled, like rider, like horse. She had been given an apple and now tempted him with it. He was clearly vacillating in his decision; he wanted the sweet snack but was letting her know that he was most displeased. Once he was close enough Karigan began petting and patting him. She spoke to him in a quiet voice apologizing that she had left him for so long but that she had planned to pamper him now. She raised his head and that and looked at her skeptically. She moved around him to where the brush set had been set before getting to work. She had to move slowly and Condor moved to accommodate her as much as possible. He was not ignorant of her condition.

An hour later he preened before her and smiled and clapped. He was happy for the attention and she was happy with him. He walked towards her before gently nuzzling her head, almost likely a sloppy kiss. Karigan giggled before resting her forehead against his. They stood like that for some time, Karigan had almost drifted off before Condor nickered at her pushing her away and towards the cabin. She refilled his oats one last time, making sure he had enough to last awhile. Once inside the cabin she all but collapsed on the cot, she blinked her eyes twice before she was whisked away to the world of dreams.

Karigan dreamt, ghosting memories of what the future had been like with Cade, her kiss with the King, thoughts of what would have happened had she not become a Green Rider. Slowly the dreams became darker, what would have happened had Mornhavon not been defeated, had Second Empire won. The doubts came in. Though they didn’t rush in like the torrent of a river after the snow melt but slowly, like a trickle. Karigan tried to wake herself but she could not. She tossed and mumbled and slowly the _scratch scratch scratch_ came back, the whispering feeding her doubt. The Nyssa ghost was smart though, she only stayed a short while. She would open a door and then retreat and then return again and again and again. The ghost smiled while her eyes turned dark, black even as the vileness of heart seeped into her whole being. _You are not wanted. You no longer belong. He will always pity you._ That would be a start, Nyssa ghost receded back and waited, her words already creating doubt.

Outside the moon continued to move to the east as the dark blues turned to grey. A few birds began to awaken singing their song to the morning before going on their way to find breakfast. In the quiet serenity of the forest a shrill wail was heard from a cabin hidden away. Everything stopped, nothing moved and even the wind seemed to die down. Another wail peeled through the trees, and then another. Again and again and again.

The nightmarish scene of what had happened at Nyssa’s hands came back violently to Karigan. In sleep she was unable to wake and she did not know what was real and what was not. She pain flared around her back as tears stained her face. Delirious she tried to push her way out of the bed to no avail. Again she felt the whip, again she screamed. She wasn’t sure if it was the memory of the pain or her nightmares themselves but could no longer endure the pain and succumbed to sleep.

_Scratch. Scratch scratch. Scratch._

_You are weak._

“No, I can do this.” Her voice was weak even to her own ears but she could not give up. She could not give in.

_You can’t even tell the difference between reality and your dreams.”_ Nyssa laughed maniacally. 

Karigan hesitated before trying to wake herself. Nyssa ghost only laughed her, mocked her.

_You cannot win. You cannot beat me. You are broken._

Those words, almost as if they had been engrained in her. _Broken._ The thought came unbidden and Karigan tried to resist but Nyssa flung all of the memories at her that showed her she was. The people she had hurt, the things she couldn’t have done, the guilt. It all ate at her.

“No!” Karigan shouted before sitting up in her cot. Her breaths came hard and heavy and she realized it was all a dream. None of it was real. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry, she wouldn’t give in to the pain. She needed to move, to stay still to be left to her own thoughts would just allow Nyssa the time to play with them. She could have to fight.

It was mid morning before Karigan had the energy to move from her cot. She slowly collected everything and moved it to the paddock. She would leave today. Staying would impede her healing and her journey. She moved slowly though, the nightmare of reliving the pain and done it’s damage, her back was on fire as pain moved into her shoulders and arms and down to her legs. It was be hard to ride but being on the move would help keep her mind busy.

It took two more hours before Karigan was on the road and by this time it was into the afternoon. She sighed, exhausted. Thinking better of it Karigan took a length of rope tying it around herself and then around her saddle. This would keep her in the saddle should she fall asleep. Condor looked back at her clearly worried.

“I’m fine.” Her voice wavered, her confidence failing.

_You are broken. You will never be fine._

Karigan shuddered willing the voice away. She would fight this and win. She had to.

“Let’s go.” She moved Condor back on to the trail and meant for him to start to trot but he would do nothing more than walk and even then it seemed like he was purposely going slowly. Karigan realized, not for the first time, he was much more aware of her condition than he seemed.

_Broken. Broken. Broken._

The wind seemed to carry the message but Karigan knew it was in her own mind. She was exhausted pain and memories flashing before her eyes. Condor stopped and looked back before he whinneyed at her almost seeming to ask if they should stop for the day.

“No, let’s keep going.” She spoke the words with a determination that he knew he would not budge. He huffed and continued at his slow pace trying to keep the path as smooth as possible. At the edge of the forest this was hard enough, with branches and uneven terrain Karigan could not imagine how they had managed only that they had. She rode for another hour before she woke, startled. She had fallen asleep in the saddle. Condor would not move, no matter how hard she tried to make. She nodded and in a rather half-sleep state she untied the knot that held her before slipping from her horse. She untacked him, fed him, and fell asleep by him before even lighting a fire.

            Karigan slept fitfully again, dreaming of so many things she wished she could hold at bay. Alas she was unable to. Again the Nyssa ghost visited and again she was tormented with the doubt of her own abilities. Nyssa just laughed at her reinforcing the idea she was broken.

            The next day Karigan awoke, she felt used and exhausted, she decided to stay in the clearing for a little while, a small fire, tea, and some food would help. Later when the she had reached too far and strained the muscles in her back and Nyssa had whispered her mantra of _Broken_ again Karigan stopped and looked straight ahead. With steel in her eye she look at the Nyssa ghost as if she were in front of her.

            _Well isn’t this new. Are you going to stand up to me? Tell me to go away? You can’t, I’m too strong for you. I own you._ The malicious grin that spread across her face was all too reminiscent of how she had look in her Workshop.

            “You do not own me. I am my own.” Karigan’s voice carried the strength that she had hoped it would, she took a deep breath before continuing. “Leave me.” When Nyssa’s figure didn’t move Karigan did not take her eyes away, she stood in a staring match with them demon. “Leave. Me. Now.” With the last bit of strength Karigan felt Nyssa’s figure waver and then dissipate. Her shoulders dropped and she sank to her knees, it had taken all that Karigan had had to just do that but it was a victory nonetheless. Karigan smiled, she was weary, not the kind that can be taken care of from sleep but rather a weariness that linger in her soul. She wondered if she would ever be free of it. Not wanting to linger on that train of thought she began to slowly stand before taking a few shaky steps. Her battle with this Nyssa ghost was equal parts physical and mental. It took all she had to endure, but endure she would.

_“I will regain my strength. I will and I must.”_

This became a mantra for Karigan as she finished her journey to Sacor City. In total it took weeks, how many she wasn’t sure but she knew that it had taken her far longer than it should have. She had battled Nyssa every part of the way. She pushed herself and sometimes she won and sometimes she lost. She tried not to keep score but a part of her told her she was losing more than winning at the moment. She reminded herself of the mantra that she had ingrained in her head and her heart. She thought about all of this as she stood looking at the castle from a not so distant hill. She was home. How would she be received? Would they pity her? Would everyone already know? Thoughts flooded her mind, doubts, insecurities buried themselves deep in her thoughts, like the thorns of Blackveil, their poison seeping.

_You are afraid of their pity. And so you should. Everyone will pity you. You are broken. Broken. Broken._

Karigan shook her head to clear the thoughts, they would not leave.

_You cannot fight. You cannot wield a sword. What use will you be? You are a burden. You are broken._

“No!” Karigan shouted, startling some birds from their nighttime reveries. She would not let Nyssa win. She moved Condor down and towards the city. It was time to see the King.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that you enjoyed~ This is the first chapter of a 5 chapter story I've planned out. Make sure to come back and read the rest!


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